i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
