That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My balls are so social today.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
