The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
