I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
