I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
