i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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