you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
