Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
