you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
