I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
