im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
