people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
