Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
