You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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