Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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