I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
