he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
