my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
