It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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