You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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