I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
