I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I skipped work to stalk him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
