What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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