Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
