The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
