i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
