we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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