i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
