Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
