Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
