did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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