remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
