fuck your aforementioned shoe
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
