he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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