I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
