You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
