i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i believe in u and ur pee
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
