Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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