Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
