Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
