Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
