My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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