and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
