were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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