I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
