Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
