Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I skipped work to stalk him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
