I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
