you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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