Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
